Sunday, February 1, 2009

Reflections

Sometimes when no one is around and i am all alone, i get a little uncomfortable. I am not sure whether i feel sad or lonely neither i have been able to understand the reason behind it. May be i miss something or may be i miss being someone i was, once.
May be i miss being the child who finds comfort in holding his mothers hand tightly while sleeping on her lap. May be i feel i am not loved as much as i was once...hmmm...yes i definitely feel that sometimes.
But whatever it is, it disturbs me a lot and that too to intolerable extent and then i restore to calling dear ones and old friends and have a really long conversation about things all other than my feelings. I guess when it comes to emotions, i am not really strong enough, so i try to hide all of them behind my stoic face, which has never revealed much, and with my voice which always sounds sleepy and dull.
Well...for me its easy to do that but not always. Sometimes things just don't get over that easily and its really worse when you don't even know what it is. Eventually it occurs that every man has a breaking point and i have one too...though pretty far but once am there am all loose and staggering.
But whatever at the end of the day i do know who i am, i do know i am good friend to people who would never find out, i do know am all but fake, hopefully a good son and brother and i do know there are people who need me someway or the other. This gives me a little courage and a bigger meaning in life. And with all the blessings i do know sooner or later i will get over everything.

4 comments:

Enigmatic thoughts... said...

wat about you..!!
everyone is there except you.. strange!!

Silpara said...

what do you mean??

Enigmatic thoughts... said...

"i do know who i am, i do know i am good friend to people who would never find out, i do know am all but fake, hopefully a good son and brother and i do know there are people who need me someway or the other".....whr r u for urslf??

Silpara said...

This is quite a question!
Well in my worse times i always used to ask myself "can i do something worth for anyone else?" and i always found the answer as 'yes' and this inspired me to try for more. though, in time, i have grown rebellious to this kind of philosophy because its like you live for others but still i've not got rid of it. even today most of my actions are for others and sometimes i really feel that i am never here for myself.
i guess i need to experience from the things i think am bound to.