This semester started with a tragedy and it is ending disastrously.
I don't literally remember the last day i had nothing to think of. I don't remember the last moment i breathed freely. Its been so tiring, busy and fruitless that sometimes it drives me crazy.
Like recently in the crushing two weeks of major, we had term paper deadlines, lab tests, vivas, reports, exams, then minor project presentations and together with that i had like a zillion things going on at home and over here. And finally on last day of presentation what i hoped would be the day of rest for atleast 24 hrs, my professor said that our presentation was rubbish and on the same day we got a mail sent to one of our professors about our unprofessional behavior towards internship in Delphi, which by no means was our mistake.
For Gods sake why don't people understand that we are not robots and its too much to take all of this in such a prolonged stressed state of mind. And its really frustrating when you have to bear the consequences of someone else' faults as well.
Sometimes i just feel like raise the middle finger and say it.
Sometimes i think may be life is just playing a game on me.
Well i can't really say for sure what it is, but whatever it is, is not feeling nice.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Sunday, April 26th 2009
It takes 24 hours of literature survey, tens of case studies and six hours of rigorous writing to complete a term paper on rural micro enterprises.
I hope all my effort is worth.
I hope all my effort is worth.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Trust, belief...all is shit
Sometime back my friend, in a conversation, asked me not to fall in trusting people every time. But i can't help it. All the 21 years of my life i have believed that no matter how bad a person might seem to be, but somewhere inside in the rearmost corners of the heart there is a good person waiting to come out and be what it truly is.
I cannot lie i have been literally fucked by this believe so many times that i cannot count. And the thing about these so called friends is that when they fuck you they make it appear like a trivial issue but when you fuck them, they will blow it out of proportions and make a hell out of it.
Not a long time ago i shared some personal information with one of my friend and he screwed it all so bad behind my back that instead of him, i was asked all the questions about the things i never knew about. Well though the matter was really trivial this time but why the hell in the whole goddamn world you have a problem with what i am doing in my personal life and that too when it has nothing to do with you. Well the best thing for me was to ignore and i did it but people just don't seem to stop. No matter how many times i ignore the issues but i know that every damn thing you do changes everything. But people are much more egoist, cynic and selfish than i believe them to be. They just don't care and yeah here is a goddamn fool sitting who doesn't understand anything...who just tends to believe that people are good in heart. I've got sick of this thing...every time...
I am not here with noble ideas to make the world any better a place...all i can do is try to be a better person the way i know what better is. And when i expect something from people it's only because i am human. But if this is what it takes every time then i guess i have had enough. May be there is no good in being good.
I cannot lie i have been literally fucked by this believe so many times that i cannot count. And the thing about these so called friends is that when they fuck you they make it appear like a trivial issue but when you fuck them, they will blow it out of proportions and make a hell out of it.
Not a long time ago i shared some personal information with one of my friend and he screwed it all so bad behind my back that instead of him, i was asked all the questions about the things i never knew about. Well though the matter was really trivial this time but why the hell in the whole goddamn world you have a problem with what i am doing in my personal life and that too when it has nothing to do with you. Well the best thing for me was to ignore and i did it but people just don't seem to stop. No matter how many times i ignore the issues but i know that every damn thing you do changes everything. But people are much more egoist, cynic and selfish than i believe them to be. They just don't care and yeah here is a goddamn fool sitting who doesn't understand anything...who just tends to believe that people are good in heart. I've got sick of this thing...every time...
I am not here with noble ideas to make the world any better a place...all i can do is try to be a better person the way i know what better is. And when i expect something from people it's only because i am human. But if this is what it takes every time then i guess i have had enough. May be there is no good in being good.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Reflections
Sometimes when no one is around and i am all alone, i get a little uncomfortable. I am not sure whether i feel sad or lonely neither i have been able to understand the reason behind it. May be i miss something or may be i miss being someone i was, once.
May be i miss being the child who finds comfort in holding his mothers hand tightly while sleeping on her lap. May be i feel i am not loved as much as i was once...hmmm...yes i definitely feel that sometimes.
But whatever it is, it disturbs me a lot and that too to intolerable extent and then i restore to calling dear ones and old friends and have a really long conversation about things all other than my feelings. I guess when it comes to emotions, i am not really strong enough, so i try to hide all of them behind my stoic face, which has never revealed much, and with my voice which always sounds sleepy and dull.
Well...for me its easy to do that but not always. Sometimes things just don't get over that easily and its really worse when you don't even know what it is. Eventually it occurs that every man has a breaking point and i have one too...though pretty far but once am there am all loose and staggering.
But whatever at the end of the day i do know who i am, i do know i am good friend to people who would never find out, i do know am all but fake, hopefully a good son and brother and i do know there are people who need me someway or the other. This gives me a little courage and a bigger meaning in life. And with all the blessings i do know sooner or later i will get over everything.
May be i miss being the child who finds comfort in holding his mothers hand tightly while sleeping on her lap. May be i feel i am not loved as much as i was once...hmmm...yes i definitely feel that sometimes.
But whatever it is, it disturbs me a lot and that too to intolerable extent and then i restore to calling dear ones and old friends and have a really long conversation about things all other than my feelings. I guess when it comes to emotions, i am not really strong enough, so i try to hide all of them behind my stoic face, which has never revealed much, and with my voice which always sounds sleepy and dull.
Well...for me its easy to do that but not always. Sometimes things just don't get over that easily and its really worse when you don't even know what it is. Eventually it occurs that every man has a breaking point and i have one too...though pretty far but once am there am all loose and staggering.
But whatever at the end of the day i do know who i am, i do know i am good friend to people who would never find out, i do know am all but fake, hopefully a good son and brother and i do know there are people who need me someway or the other. This gives me a little courage and a bigger meaning in life. And with all the blessings i do know sooner or later i will get over everything.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Fun Fotography
My English teacher used to say “Even when you know you are wrong but if your opponent can’t prove that, then you are just right!” In simple words you can’t lose if you argue correctly.
Many times in photography I find myself in similar situations. I don’t care what lenses should do, I don’t care the brightness, the haze, the overexposure, blur, focus, depth of field and this and that. I am not a science man. But if I look at a photograph and it strikes me then I can go at any length convincing people that this is, in fact, a good snap. I am a layman, I don’t want to know the technical stuff and I don’t need to. Psychologically what impression does a snap makes in my mind is much more important to me than anything else. This is also important for the photographers to know because which one’s a good pic is ultimately in the hands of the people in general and not on the ‘photo community’ people.
I believe a good photographer knows what would make a special picture and what makes a picture special. I am just concerned with the latter because most of the times, I find, when you are intently taking a shoot, you are so emotionally attached to the subject at hand, that, you are unable to give an unbiased judgment. I know that because the same happens to me with regard to poetry. When I write a poem, at that time, I just can’t accept it as one of my worst creations ever. It just appears to be right in all respects, no matter what. But wait a minute…Isn’t it because I am currently living in that feeling and very obsessed with it? Of course! This is one of the reasons, I suggest my friends to look at their photographs again after a fortnight and those which still make an impression, give them a shot.
But then in the world are people like me who want this tool to be fun while giving hard time to the professionals. After all not everyone should be a science man and also because we believe photography is simple and for everyone.
So what I do is to take random picture, from any camera or blog, and just start bullying people claiming that this is incredible piece of work and I haven’t seen anything like this before! This sounds crazy but it makes the learning process a lot simpler for me because people start telling you everything that is right and wrong and sometimes they end up teaching photography, which is supposed to be a dear profession, for free! And then they tell me am crazy! How fair is that?
So if you don’t intend to be the science man, just be the fun guy. But whatever, in the end just make sure, that you argue correctly.
Many times in photography I find myself in similar situations. I don’t care what lenses should do, I don’t care the brightness, the haze, the overexposure, blur, focus, depth of field and this and that. I am not a science man. But if I look at a photograph and it strikes me then I can go at any length convincing people that this is, in fact, a good snap. I am a layman, I don’t want to know the technical stuff and I don’t need to. Psychologically what impression does a snap makes in my mind is much more important to me than anything else. This is also important for the photographers to know because which one’s a good pic is ultimately in the hands of the people in general and not on the ‘photo community’ people.
I believe a good photographer knows what would make a special picture and what makes a picture special. I am just concerned with the latter because most of the times, I find, when you are intently taking a shoot, you are so emotionally attached to the subject at hand, that, you are unable to give an unbiased judgment. I know that because the same happens to me with regard to poetry. When I write a poem, at that time, I just can’t accept it as one of my worst creations ever. It just appears to be right in all respects, no matter what. But wait a minute…Isn’t it because I am currently living in that feeling and very obsessed with it? Of course! This is one of the reasons, I suggest my friends to look at their photographs again after a fortnight and those which still make an impression, give them a shot.
But then in the world are people like me who want this tool to be fun while giving hard time to the professionals. After all not everyone should be a science man and also because we believe photography is simple and for everyone.
So what I do is to take random picture, from any camera or blog, and just start bullying people claiming that this is incredible piece of work and I haven’t seen anything like this before! This sounds crazy but it makes the learning process a lot simpler for me because people start telling you everything that is right and wrong and sometimes they end up teaching photography, which is supposed to be a dear profession, for free! And then they tell me am crazy! How fair is that?
So if you don’t intend to be the science man, just be the fun guy. But whatever, in the end just make sure, that you argue correctly.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Silpara
Silpara is a scarcely populated place near the Rewa district in Madhya Pradesh.
Covered by beautiful farms and blue skies above it is a very peaceful place.
One can enjoy every season whether it be winter, spring, summer or rainy. Every season plays to it's extreme. The gusty winds add an element of thrill and excitement in the rainy season often strong the rainy season is accompanied by strong stormy winds. In winters the coldness is in its extreme and in summers the temperatures rise to the great degrees. I love to enjoy everything to it's limit and so i love the place.(contd.)
Covered by beautiful farms and blue skies above it is a very peaceful place.
One can enjoy every season whether it be winter, spring, summer or rainy. Every season plays to it's extreme. The gusty winds add an element of thrill and excitement in the rainy season often strong the rainy season is accompanied by strong stormy winds. In winters the coldness is in its extreme and in summers the temperatures rise to the great degrees. I love to enjoy everything to it's limit and so i love the place.(contd.)
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