Things I Learned After College

Dreams have shattered, life has hit rock bottom, once floating in the air with wings, i have passed out of college and living in a real world.

People say college days are the best days of life, i cannot agree more to any other fact but this that it is a lie. College days are unreal days, where you make friends, spend your parents money, study when you feel like and watch a lot of tv series and movies and still you get away with good grades.

The first thing that i learned after getting out was that i am not as smart as i thought and there are a lot of people willing to do good work. And i would only be lucky if i manage to compete them.

Second thing i learned was that people, a lot of people, are working for their dreams and they are persistent enough to make them true. I used to think i would get out and do the work i want. I wanted to dictate life on my terms. Well usually that does not happen, you have to struggle and that is true. The saying that there is no substitute to hard work is indeed true.

Third, experience matters. You may be brilliant but you forget to account the uncertainties that cloud the practical world. You have to learn to deal with them and you learn them by experience only.

Fourth, money may not be real but it is important and it is really hard to get. You really have to prove yourself to be worthy of the money because the men paying you have also proved themselves and they just can't let their money just slip into your hands.

Fifth, setbacks are important. If you do find yourself lacking at anything, at any point of time, it is an opportunity to better yourself. It is a gap that has to be filled to bring more confidence in you.

Sixth, once you are out there, amongst the other people, surrounded by them, competing with them, you just cannot give up. There is no hope not even a glimmer if you do give up.

The Inherent Sorrow

Lately I have started to feel real alone again. There is this inherent sorrow which never goes away. Sometimes am haunted by bad thoughts. This state of mind is driving me crazy. It’s really very depressing and negative. May be am not busy enough that makes my mind wander into the mud of negativity. But when I think of identity that defines me. Is this my identity? Is it this sad?

Sometimes I think about going on that lonely road. The voyage no one ever dared to be up for. The path that is the hardest. The success that takes more pain than any. But why do I imagine it that way? May be because I want to feel something real. May be because I have become numb to the life around me. May be because I am just a hollow drum who thinks that only pain can fill it in.

I have seen people live their lives not thinking much about what they are, what will happen or why they are supposed to be here. Those people are happy and now I can see why. Life isn’t supposed to be this structured. It’s more like a gamble. You can either play along like it is what it is or question that it simply can’t be this way and sit in disbelief watching while someone else gambles your money out. And then you realize that your time is over. The chance gone!

May be life has a meaning but it doesn’t provide with a map. May be we all have a purpose and may be not all of those are purposeful. But what if all this is a mere illusion like those religious texts say. Is it worth doing anything at all then? Is it worth serving the purpose then? What if we die reach heaven and find its illusion all over again? What is real then? Is there any reality at all? What are we supposed to do here? What is my identity here? Why is this existence?

There are questions. There are questions. There are billions of questions and I find myself trapped in them. I feel lost in a giant vacuum of uncertainty and darkness. It’s very lone out here. There are no faces, there is no light, there is no help, there is no sound but there is sorrow. A void filled with deep inherent grave sorrow.

May be I should shut my mind and listen to what one of my teachers used to say “Don’t take life seriously. Take it sincerely.” May be it’s not the answer to my questions but may be it’s the escape from this sorrow.

Fun Fotography

My English teacher used to say “Even when you know you are wrong but if your opponent can’t prove that, then you are just right!” In simple words you can’t lose if you argue correctly.

Many times in photography I find myself in similar situations. I don’t care what lenses should do, I don’t care the brightness, the haze, the overexposure, blur, focus, depth of field and this and that. I am not a science man. But if I look at a photograph and it strikes me then I can go at any length convincing people that this is, in fact, a good snap. I am a layman, I don’t want to know the technical stuff and I don’t need to. Psychologically what impression does a snap makes in my mind is much more important to me than anything else. This is also important for the photographers to know because which one’s a good pic is ultimately in the hands of the people in general and not on the ‘photo community’ people.

I believe a good photographer knows what would make a special picture and what makes a picture special. I am just concerned with the latter because most of the times, I find, when you are intently taking a shoot, you are so emotionally attached to the subject at hand, that, you are unable to give an unbiased judgment. I know that because the same happens to me with regard to poetry. When I write a poem, at that time, I just can’t accept it as one of my worst creations ever. It just appears to be right in all respects, no matter what. But wait a minute…Isn’t it because I am currently living in that feeling and very obsessed with it? Of course! This is one of the reasons, I suggest my friends to look at their photographs again after a fortnight and those which still make an impression, give them a shot.

But then in the world are people like me who want this tool to be fun while giving hard time to the professionals. After all not everyone should be a science man and also because we believe photography is simple and for everyone.

So what I do is to take random picture, from any camera or blog, and just start bullying people claiming that this is incredible piece of work and I haven’t seen anything like this before! This sounds crazy but it makes the learning process a lot simpler for me because people start telling you everything that is right and wrong and sometimes they end up teaching photography, which is supposed to be a dear profession, for free! And then they tell me am crazy! How fair is that?

So if you don’t intend to be the science man, just be the fun guy. But whatever, in the end just make sure, that you argue correctly.